


I get it now that it's too late, I never stopped feeling guilty

by shuttymcshutfuck



Category: The Penumbra Podcast
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Past Relationship(s), basically peter moved on and juno is sad, jet and buddy are literally in it for one line each
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-27
Updated: 2020-09-27
Packaged: 2021-03-07 22:14:56
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,244
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26684986
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shuttymcshutfuck/pseuds/shuttymcshutfuck
Summary: Juno never expected to see Peter aboard the Carte Blanche, especially not with another man.inspired by "Green" by Cavetown
Relationships: Peter Nureyev/Juno Steel, Peter Nureyev/Original Character(s)
Comments: 2
Kudos: 20





	1. I guess I got to my head, and I was too young to understand it (AKA Just angst)

**Author's Note:**

> Hi, I originally wrote this with no happy ending but I thought I might as well write a lil happy bit at the end. So, if you just want the angst then just read chapter one, if you want the happy (ish) ending then read chapter two as well. As always if you think something needs to be tagged let me know and feed back is appreciated. I hope you enjoy! :)

When Juno saw Nureyev he was shocked to say the least. He was there, really there in front of him. But someone else was there too. They sat side by side on the hood of the Ruby 7, Peter’s arm around this mysterious man's waist. Juno almost threw up. He managed to act normal, saying hello to his new crew. It was only once they lifted off that Nureyev even noticed him. 

“Peter” Juno breathed. His heart was pounding out of his chest and he wanted to rip it out. Though it felt like someone had beat him to it. 

“Juno, it’s been a while.” Juno could see Peters sharp teeth poke through his smile. He cast his eyes to the ground, wondering if he was dreaming and there wasn’t really a tall lean figure standing next to Nureyev, holding his hand. 

“I suppose I should introduce myself, my name is Elias.” Juno looked up at them both, feeling a sharp pain in his chest. The way Peter looked at Elias, it was the same way that Peter looked at him- used to look at him. It was a look of pride and love and so many other things and it was only now that Juno realised how much he missed Peter looking at him like that. 

“I’m sure Peter’s mentioned me at some point so-” He was caught off guard when Elias interrupted.

“He hasn’t actually. Do you two know each other well?” Juno wanted the ground to swallow him up right there and then. He wanted to shout at Peter and ask him what the hell was going on but he knew he couldn't, not now anyway.

“Not really, Juno did a job with me a year or so ago. That’s all.” Juno stared at Peter in disbelief. He watched him look everywhere but him.

“I’m gonna go find my room now, it was nice to meet you, Elias.” Juno headed down the hallway as fast as he could without looking suspicious. He picked what he thought was the room Buddy said was his, went inside and shut the door. His vision was blurred from the tears in his eye so he shut it and just sat against the door. He didn’t know how long he sat there. The next thing he knew there was a knock at the door.

“Juno, dinner is ready and we’ve been waiting for you.” It was Jet, his monotone voice recognisable even though it was muffled slightly by the door.

“I’m not really hungry, big guy. Just tell the crew to eat without me.” He couldn’t face the thought of having to sit and eat dinner with Elias, never mind Nureyev. Thankfully Jet was none the wiser.

“If that’s what you wish. I’ll make sure to leave some for you in case you get hungry later.” Juno listened to Jet’s footsteps slowly get quieter as he moved down the hall until it was silent again. His body groaned as he stood up finally, putting his bag on his bed and starting to unpack. It's not like he had anything better to do. Once he was finished he just lay there, staring at the ceiling. What Nureyev said wouldn't leave his thoughts. That they didn’t really know each other. His brain started playing a slideshow of all the memories they had together. The first time he met Rex Glass, then Duke Rose. Then down in the tomb where he met the real Peter Nureyev, they were both so vulnerable and raw and hurt down there. He remembered the words he said to Peter when he thought he was about to die, the wonderful night they shared together. Then he remembered how he left. He left, not Nureyev. This was his fault. Juno had never been so thankful that he’d packed a bottle of whiskey in with his things. He ended up draining a third of the bottle before he was out for the count. 

In the morning things still hurt, but at least he could focus on his headache rather than the aching in his chest. Seeing everyone at breakfast didn’t help. He had managed to grab a cup of coffee and headed back to his room mostly unnoticed though, managing to avoid conversation. He really wasn’t in the mood to see anyone.

A few days passed like this aboard the Carte Blanche. Juno mostly hid in his room, grabbing leftovers of meals after he was sure no one would be around. He had managed to avoid Peter and Elias completely. He was in the kitchen heating up his dinner when Peter walked in. They both danced around each other in silence. Juno told himself he was fine with that but apparently Nureyev wasn’t.

“Are you ever going to talk to me?” Juno looked up at him. He looked just like the last night they shared together. Maybe in another universe, Juno could go up to him and kiss him. Peter would hold him close and it would be like he never left. Instead of dancing around each other, they would be dancing together to music playing from Peter’s coms. He could wake up each morning next to him. But Juno left and he couldn’t change that. It was just a fantasy though and he knew it.

“Do I have to? You barely know me after all. We only did a job together. It’s not like we kissed, or we confessed our love to each other before I almost died trying to save you. It’s not like I know your real name. That’s all.” Juno could feel his emotions welling up inside of him and he was too tired to stop it.

“But you still left, Juno! You never even said goodbye. Why am I the bad guy for moving on?!” 

“I don’t know! I just- I thought what we had meant more than that. I’m sorry for leaving and believe me when I say that I’ve regretted it ever since. I never- I never stopped thinking about you, Peter.” Juno felt the tears drip from his face. He watched Peter move towards the door, some small part of Juno begging for him to stop..

“It’s too late, Juno. You’re too late.” He watched Peter leave, his hand outstretched like it would stop him. Like Nureyev would run back into his arms at the sight of it. Juno’s legs gave way as he let himself sob once he knew Nureyev couldn’t hear him, clutching his t-shirt like a lifeline. After god knows how long, Juno managed to find his legs and shuffle back to his room. He’d ran out of tears by now but his chest still ached with the thought of Peter Nureyev. He collapsed into his bed and wondered why he left him in the first place.


	2. I hope you feel happy, that's all I want (AKA happy ish ending)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is just a nice ending to the chapter before, you'll need to read that to understand what's going on here :)

“Mista Steel? Are you awake?” Juno was woken up by Rita’s muffled voice coming from the other side of his door. He debated just staying quiet and pretending he was still asleep so that she’d leave. He thought better of it though, knowing she’d just come back later.

“You’re fired, Rita.” A millisecond later, she was next to him. Juno hadn’t used their code word in a while. Even after everything they’ve gone through in these past couple months Juno’s not used it in a pretty long time. She had a worried look on her face, one glimpse of it and Juno couldn’t look her in the eyes.

“Boss, what’s wrong?” She spoke in such a soft voice, like speaking too loud or harsh would shatter him. But the softness is what broke him, he started sobbing again and he immediately felt her arms around him, holding on tight. “Shh, it’s okay. I don’t know what’s been going on these past couple of days but I’m here for you, Boss. Whenever you’re ready.” They sat like that for a while before Rita moved them both so that they were lying on his bed. She never let go though, not even for a second. 

They lay there for a while until Juno fell asleep, feeling her fingers run through his hair. When he woke up she was sound asleep, obviously he didn’t want to wake her so he stayed wrapped in her arms. That was until Buddy came to say that lunch was ready. 

“We’ll be there in a few minutes, Miss Buddy.” Juno felt the vibrations of Rita’s chest when she spoke. She nudged him a little and he loosened his grip. “How about we go have lunch and we can talk after? You look like you could use a nice meal.” Juno couldn’t help but nod, suddenly remembering the forgotten dinner leftovers from last night and the fact that he’d slept through breakfast. He shuffled through with Rita by his side. He didn’t speak a word during lunch and only looked at his food and Rita. No one mentioned it but he could feel eyes on him, especially from the end of the table where Peter and Elias sat. He didn’t stay at the table long, practically inhaling his lunch, partly because he was hungry and partly because he didn’t want to be there any longer than he needed to be. Once he got to his room he lay down staring at the ceiling again like it held the answers to all of his problems. Not long after, Juno heard the door swoosh and then felt the mattress shift a little as Rita joined him. They both lay in silence apart from the sound of their breathing and the ship's engine humming gently.

“I can’t believe he moved on.” Juno started to think aloud. “I don’t know why I thought he’d wait for me. I was the one who left him anyway but a part of my mind had a sliver of hope that I'd see him again and he’d have waited.” Juno felt the lump in his throat grow back but he forced it down.

“Who?” Juno suddenly realised that Rita hadn’t known about him and Peter. She didn’t know about a lot of things that happened really. He wished that she could know but he couldn’t find it in himself to tell her all the terrible things he’s seen. 

“Peter. We used to _know_ each other. Hell, I was pretty sure I loved him. I still am but he’s moved on and now I have to see it everyday. I have to see him happy with someone else.” He couldn’t hold back his tears anymore so he just let them drip down the side of his face into his ear and onto the bed sheets below. Juno felt Rita take his hand and squeeze it a little. 

“I’m sorry, Boss. I don’t know what you and Mista Ransom had but I’m sure you’ll be okay soon. I know it hurts but you’ve just gotta keep moving. You’re extra lucky ‘cause you got me. And I ain’t ever gonna leave ya.” Out of the corner of Juno’s good eye he could see Rita shed a few tears herself.

“Thanks, Rita.” Juno felt himself smile a little just thinking about it. Rita was always there for him. She was there when he first started as a detective on the force, she stuck with him when he got fired, she stayed and helped him when he got low and she stayed even when he disappeared for weeks and came back missing an eye with no explanation. Rita was his rock and he doesn’t think he could ever put into words how grateful he was to have her by his side. 

“No problem, Boss. Now how about we watch a stream to cheer you up? It’s sure more entertaining than the ceiling.” Juno nodded and watched her head for the door.

“Great, you stay here and pick while I go get some snacks!” And with that, Rita was gone. In all honesty, Juno had no idea how to put on a stream on his comms nevermind the ship so he decided to just wait for Rita to get back. 

~~

“What’s your plan, Boss?” Juno was surprised at Rita’s question as it was the first thing either of them had said - apart from making fun of parts of the stream every now and then.

“What do you mean?” Juno saw Rita face him out of the corner of his eye.

“I mean, we’re stuck on the ship for a while. You can’t exactly hide in your room forever.” Juno suddenly found that his hands in his lap were the most interesting thing he could look at. 

“I… honestly don’t know. I’m going to have to just suck it up I guess. He’s happy now and that’s what matters.” Juno felt her put a hand on his knee.

“I know it’s gonna be hard, Mista Steel but I’m sure it’ll get easier over time. Until then, you know you can always come to me. We could make a little codeword for when you don’t think you can do a job with them like in the movie “Secret Agent Exes”! Sorry, I’m getting side tracked. My point is if you don’t think you can deal with it then tell me.”

“Thanks Rita… that means a lot.” The way she beamed back at him made the corners of his mouth turn up a bit. It was nice to know someone was in his corner, she always was. And hopefully, she always would be.

**Author's Note:**

> Read on for the happy (ish) ending :)


End file.
